Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Living a Life Worth Living

So life is still as busy as ever. I'm still learning how to balance this crazy thing I call a schedule.  Here's the thing... I am incredibly busy every day and I know that I'm not being lazy, but am I really doing what I need to do here on earth in order to leave a legacy and lead my child in a real walk with the Lord?  I don't know sometimes.  I pray every single day that God would show me where I need to be in my life and what I need to be doing, whether it's sewing, just being a mommy, wife, and homemaker, going back to 'real' work, or something I haven't thought of.  Every day God assures me that I am where I need to be right now, but am I making the most of what I am doing?  I don't get to have a whole lot of interaction with customers as we all converse online only and I have multiple conversations a day with all different people.  Am I supposed to be  reaching out to every person I talk to? Am I supposed to go deeper into their lives?  Will I ever have any impact on them?  I don't know.  I know that I am supposed be doing this for a reason and right now my reasoning is that I want to stay home with my baby and raise her to have a personal relationship with Jesus. But is there another aspect to it?  Why sewing? Why not home data entry or in-home day care?  I love to sew but I wonder if I'm missing the mark on why I'm really supposed be doing this. 
Here is my typical week: (you really don't need to read the whole week, it's nothing super interesting)
Monday - Addy goes to her grandma's and I start the day by deep cleaning... mopping, dusting, disinfecting, etc... then I go straight to the sewing room to see how much I can do with the little one away.  I usually get a lot done. I try to squeeze in a nap on Mondays too. Monday nights I have a girl's bible study at my friends house a block over and my husband feeds the baby and puts her to bed while I'm there.
Tuesday - Morning women's bible study, I get to carpool with my friends and all our babies in our neighborhood and Starbucks is the first stop! I really LOVE this bible study!! Then come home and put Addy down for a nap and I.... sew! When she wakes up we just play and read and stuff and I do some work on the computer.
Wednesday - Nothing special during the day and at night we have a neighborhood bible study group with all our friends and our home hosts child care.
Thursday - I usually bring Addy into my sewing room in a pack and play or let her crawl/walk around with toys (I have to pick EVERYTHING up off the ground, including - her favorite toy - the trash cans full of fabric scraps. She hangs out with me all day 'helping' me work. (Well I let her push the reverse button on the sewing machine whenever I need to reverse)  :)
Friday - Catch up with whatever I didn't get done that week; laundry, cleaning, sewing, emails....
Saturday - Butch (my husband) usually plays with Addy while I get some work done then at night we go to church. We have a really big church and there are Saturday night and Sunday morning services so we go Saturday night with my in-laws and go to dinner after.
Sunday - Sew like crazy to get all of my Monday orders done! I also try to take a few hours to just relax and spend time with my family.
When I write it all down I feel like there is a lot missing.  I didn't write when I read my bible or any specific activities that I do with my daughter or meals that I make or anything but even still, I feel like there is something else that should be there.  There should be something in my week that stands out and says that I am doing good for this world and I'm making an impact on people and sharing God. But it's just not there.. and I don't even know where I could squeeze it in. So to my concern, I don't want to have to squeeze it in. I want that 'thing' I do to be my priority and everything else gets squeezed in.
When people ask me if it's hard to sew and run this business while having the interruptions of Adelaide and I always say that it's hard to take care of Addy while having the interruptions of sewing and running this business.  I want that for my life story. I want to have an impact and a goal that puts God before all and everything else is secondary. 
I know that God has a plan and He has me where He does for a reason.  So if that reason is just to lead my children and love and support my husband then I will do just that.  But if there is more... well then I'll just have to see what God has in store!


  1. I love this post mama. I know how you feel with not knowing if you're doing exactly what the Lord wants you to do or if you're overlooking something in His plan for you.

    Sometimes I get so busy with everything--Work, family, hobbies, errands, there's just so much to do and I feel like I need more quiet "peace" time to listen to the Spirit and make sure I'm not missing anything.

    You sound so busy but I admire you so much for all of the Bible studies you go to. I desperately need to add that to my list of things to do. Personal scripture study is one thing but it's nice to be able to discuss with others.

    Ok I"ll stop rambling now. Loved this post! :)

  2. I think the Lord has you where He wants you! As a mom your first ministry is your home! Like the proverbs 31 wome does, she tends to her husband and her family! I sometimes feels the same way but I am reminded that Adelynn is my first ministry. Until the Lord calls me to another ministry I am to fully be there for addie and to raise her up right... In Lord and to teach her Gods word! So until the Lord calls you to another ministry I think you are right where the Lord wants you as a mama :) Elyse Manion
    But it's good to want more in the Lord! Always growing and wanting more Jesus is where the Lord wants you to always be in your walk with Him!

  3. Heidi, you make an impact. You impact me. As I read this post tonight it met me in a very real and necessary way. You encourage me in my walk with your open and honest reflections. I know for a fact that you have a ministry of love, encouragement, and biblical guidance. How often you have ministered to myself and others in times of uncertainty, pain, or despair. Further still, you rejoice with us in successes and in our walk with Christ. The Lord has and will continue to use you mightily. If you want to be even more fruitful in your ministry and have an even greater impact start seeking after it. Pray every morning for divine appointments in your daily life. Pray for a perceptive nature and sensitivity to the moving of His Holy Spirit. Pray that He would reveal to you who He would have you minister to at any given moment and that you would have the boldness to do it. Pray that He will give you the scripture and words to say in that moment. I can’t wait to start seeing blogs about a woman you minister to in the grocery store or a customer who learns about the Lord from you. It will happen. You will be a mighty force for the Kingdom of Christ and you will be richly blessed when He meets you there.