So life is still as busy as ever. I'm still learning how to balance this crazy thing I call a schedule. Here's the thing... I am incredibly busy every day and I know that I'm not being lazy, but am I really doing what I need to do here on earth in order to leave a legacy and lead my child in a real walk with the Lord? I don't know sometimes. I pray every single day that God would show me where I need to be in my life and what I need to be doing, whether it's sewing, just being a mommy, wife, and homemaker, going back to 'real' work, or something I haven't thought of. Every day God assures me that I am where I need to be right now, but am I making the most of what I am doing? I don't get to have a whole lot of interaction with customers as we all converse online only and I have multiple conversations a day with all different people. Am I supposed to be reaching out to every person I talk to? Am I supposed to go deeper into their lives? Will I ever have any impact on them? I don't know. I know that I am supposed be doing this for a reason and right now my reasoning is that I want to stay home with my baby and raise her to have a personal relationship with Jesus. But is there another aspect to it? Why sewing? Why not home data entry or in-home day care? I love to sew but I wonder if I'm missing the mark on why I'm really supposed be doing this.
Here is my typical week: (you really don't need to read the whole week, it's nothing super interesting)
Monday - Addy goes to her grandma's and I start the day by deep cleaning... mopping, dusting, disinfecting, etc... then I go straight to the sewing room to see how much I can do with the little one away. I usually get a lot done. I try to squeeze in a nap on Mondays too. Monday nights I have a girl's bible study at my friends house a block over and my husband feeds the baby and puts her to bed while I'm there.
Tuesday - Morning women's bible study, I get to carpool with my friends and all our babies in our neighborhood and Starbucks is the first stop! I really LOVE this bible study!! Then come home and put Addy down for a nap and I.... sew! When she wakes up we just play and read and stuff and I do some work on the computer.
Wednesday - Nothing special during the day and at night we have a neighborhood bible study group with all our friends and our home hosts child care.
Thursday - I usually bring Addy into my sewing room in a pack and play or let her crawl/walk around with toys (I have to pick EVERYTHING up off the ground, including - her favorite toy - the trash cans full of fabric scraps. She hangs out with me all day 'helping' me work. (Well I let her push the reverse button on the sewing machine whenever I need to reverse) :)
Friday - Catch up with whatever I didn't get done that week; laundry, cleaning, sewing, emails....
Saturday - Butch (my husband) usually plays with Addy while I get some work done then at night we go to church. We have a really big church and there are Saturday night and Sunday morning services so we go Saturday night with my in-laws and go to dinner after.
Sunday - Sew like crazy to get all of my Monday orders done! I also try to take a few hours to just relax and spend time with my family.
When I write it all down I feel like there is a lot missing. I didn't write when I read my bible or any specific activities that I do with my daughter or meals that I make or anything but even still, I feel like there is something else that should be there. There should be something in my week that stands out and says that I am doing good for this world and I'm making an impact on people and sharing God. But it's just not there.. and I don't even know where I could squeeze it in. So to my concern, I don't want to have to squeeze it in. I want that 'thing' I do to be my priority and everything else gets squeezed in.
When people ask me if it's hard to sew and run this business while having the interruptions of Adelaide and I always say that it's hard to take care of Addy while having the interruptions of sewing and running this business. I want that for my life story. I want to have an impact and a goal that puts God before all and everything else is secondary.
I know that God has a plan and He has me where He does for a reason. So if that reason is just to lead my children and love and support my husband then I will do just that. But if there is more... well then I'll just have to see what God has in store!